My best friend often tells me “practice your virtue” by which she means patience. I can be impatient. The world conspires to make me so with people looking at their email when they should be driving (honk), standing on the left of the escalator when they need to be on the right (excuse me) and trying to fit their bag in the overhead compartment when clearly it isn’t going to fit (I know I know…you got it in on the very last plane you were on but somehow the laws of physics have changed between then and now.)
So…in the last three years, this all changed for one reason and one reason only: Lola. I adopted Lola a mixed hound after my mom died to fill the hole I felt would not close. For those of you who are therapists, or have been in therapy so long you think you are, I realize this was a mistake. But not for the reason you think. Lola was trouble. She didn’t like to be handled. It took us four long months to figure out it was because she had a spine deformity that meant every time a human touched her she was in excruciating pain. This made her despise humans. We got her surgery and the pain went away but not the distrust and anger towards humans.
This has meant more than two years of rehab where we use all our powers to get her to trust humans again. We’ve gone to New Jersey to talk to a dog whisperer about getting her to let us grab her collar without chomping on us. Then we went to rural Maryland to learn how to introduce her to people so she likes them. I’ve read more than thirty books on the topic (yes, David and I can get your dog to stop jumping on you, lie on its bed, and heel. That’s the easy stuff). We don’t walk down the street without a treat bag and clicker. You can’t pet her like a normal dog. She has to come to you and even then you need to be very careful. It takes enormous amounts of patience and lots of treats. It makes me proud to see how much progress she has made. She walks on the crowded streets of Dupont Circle without bothering anyone (although she wears a leash that says ‘nervous’ embroidered on it so people don’t mistake her for the kind of dog who wants a big nuggie on her head by a stranger…and really who does?). She is even starting to relax when strangers stop to talk to her. Small steps.
We spend upwards of an hour a day teaching Lola to be easy going. Sometimes it is hard when David is railing against Trump based on what he is hearing on the radio. Lola looks like “hey, see, he doesn’t like everyone either.”
I would have loved a really easy going dog. Hell, I needed one after my mom’s long illness and passing. But I got one that has taught me “when you are going slow, slow down.” Having her walk up to me wagging her tail, rub against me and trust that I won’t hurt her after all she went through is a gift, a hard-won gift.
I would like to point out however that I went to Florence not too long ago and there is a series of portraits by Botticelli called the Virtues. Faith, Hope and Charity. Check. Temperance, Prudence, Fortitude and Justice. No patience. Just when I started to have it in spades.
Adventures in LuLu 